25 Secrets To Long Distance Dating Success
Long-distance relationships happen for all kinds of reasons, but negative stereotypes and pessimistic expectations mean they don't always last. Whether you've moved away after college leaving a sweetheart behind, or you've had to relocate for work, long-distance relationships can last if you're willing to be clear with your goals and open in communication. Here are 25 more secrets to long-distance dating success.
Commitment and Closeness
Learn how to make the most of your situation and nurture your relationship, even from miles away.
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Get on the same page
Be very clear with one another what your expectations are for the relationship in terms of exclusivity or being able to date around. It might seem harsh to set up "rules," but if you're not on the same page, someone will get hurt.
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Have an end point
You might be dating long distance for a number of reasons, but it you really want to be together in the end, just remember your situation is temporary.
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Clearly communicate your feelings when they change
If something about the long-distance situation — or any part of the relationship — is bugging you, open up and share your feelings in a direct and honest (though compassionate) way. Making your partner guess from hundreds of miles away what you're feeling is unrealistic, unfair and impossible.
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Don't rush
You might feel pressured to speed up your relationship since you're living farther apart — hitting certain milestones faster in order to justify why you're dating someone in another city or state — but be patient. Stress is not a good thing in any relationship.
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Learn how to be happy on your own
A long-distance relationship is the perfect opportunity to learn how to make yourself happy, independent of other people or events that you can't change. And the healthier and more confident you are, you'll become a better partner in the relationship, too.
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Treasure the items you do have
Leave a pillow the next time you visit your partner, and steal his t-shirt to sleep in, giving you tangible reminders of each other even when you're apart.
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Learn how to trust
As you live different lives, you're going to meet new people and hang out with different friends and coworkers. Just because your partner talks is having fun without you — or even without people you know — doesn't mean they love you any less, so resolve to trust each other completely.
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Don't get into trouble
You're probably going to feel lonely and a little flirty when your loved one is far away, but stay away from dangerous situations. For example, if the group dwindles down to you and one another person you find attractive, it's time to go home — alone.
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Believe in the relationship
Your friends or family may tell you that long-distance relationships don't work. But staying positive and believing in your unique relationship will help it grow.
Communication
From Skype to snail mail to just saying "I love you" more often, here are tips for better communication.
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Keep in contact on a regular basis
It's important to tell each other little things about your day, your work, or your friends so that you feel connected, instead of just having a weekly "how are you?" chat.
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Chat online
Skype is free, and even non-video chatting services help bridge the gap.
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Say "I love you" more
When you're not able to hold hands or even look at each other every day, it becomes more important to express your feelings by saying and writing "I love you."
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Stop assuming
The only thing you should assume about your partner in a long-distance relationship is that they still love you. From cheating to forgetting about you to understanding your feelings even though you haven't shared them, you shouldn't assume anything — keep communication lines open and trust that your partner is loving you the same way you love them.
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Take more pictures
Share your activities, new hairstyle, and outings with friends with your faraway partner by taking more photos to send just to them or to upload onto Facebook or another site.
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Start a joint blog for just the two of you
Leave each other love notes and updates about your day or your feelings in your own private online journal, that just the two of you can read.
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Have a "sleepover"
Leave your Skype on all night to fall asleep together and to wake up together.
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Try a free day
When you're feeling extra grumpy or get into a fight, give yourself a free day with no communication. If you're dying to get back in touch, you know your fight was just a little hiccup in the relationship. If you feel relieved and free, you may want to reconsider something in the relationship.
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Send actual mail
Writing letters heightens the excitement of hearing from your partner, and gives you something tangible to keep until you see each other again.
Visits and Romance
Visiting a long-distance love can get expensive, but you can get creative with your visits and romantic gestures.
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Make the distance seem romantic
Try to romanticize your situation — there can be a certain glamor and build-up to having a boyfriend or girlfriend in another city. Plus, you're not witnessing the day-to-day habits that sometimes make couples feel bored with one another.
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Come up with small surprises
Have flowers sent to your sweetie in another state, or even order a pizza delivered to your partner's work or home.
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Visit as often as you can
Meet halfway and take turns visiting, but plan trips regularly — even when you're in between visits, they will give you something to look forward to and depend on.
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Get physical
Whether or not you're actually having sex, hold hands, kiss, and make your partner feel like you really care about them, and that you're not drifting away.
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Sync up for "dates"
Go to the same movie and the same time — just in different places. You can order take-out afterward and talk about the show over the phone or Skype.
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Do things together when you visit
When you visit your significant other, don't let their friends judge you as the boy or girl who steals away their friend for a whole weekend. Hang out with his or her friends, go shopping, eat out, and try to be a part of the life that your significant other lives when you're not around. It will help the two of you feel more connected.
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Send presents
Remember those care packages your parents sent you in college? Now it's your turn to send (and receive) gifts to and from your partner. From books you've read and want to pass on to more romantic and sassy gifts to remind them of your affection, care packages are a welcome surprise and make your partner feel cared for.
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